My Life Starts Over

me in a random selection of words

Month: August, 2012

inspiration-less hack

I think I have inspiration block. I joined hitrecord.com, which I really enjoy. I love the concept and the fact that you can use other people’s art to create your own and get inspired by it. But, it’s not working for me. I pretty much want to rip my head in half because I’m trying to get back to writing, but it has just been so damn fucking hard. I’ve been on that sight everyday since I joined and I can’t get inspired. I know it’s just suppose to happen and enlighten me, forcing me to write non stop with a flood of ideas and words, but that’s not happening.

Even though I’m seeing and reading a lot of great things, it’s just not happening and I want to cry.

blah

I hate blah days. I just want to hide under my blanket and listen to music. Passion Pit, Crystal Castles, Sleigh Bells, every once in a while interrupted by the chaotic sounds of dubstep. I could listen to that all day, without leaving my bed. On blah days, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to wallow in my disappointment. Always disappointed. Mostly with myself. I need something to do. I think that every time, but whenever I tried, I lose motivation. I start to doubt my abilities, myself. And then I just want nothing, feel nothing, but the music. I hate blah days

chicken shit

I was suppose to apply to this game site, but of course I chickened out. Looking at their website just made me realize how talentless I am. I haven’t done anything with my life other than make excuses. Ok, well, that’s not true. I graduated from college and even forced my way into movie production, but I still feel unaccomplished. Maybe because I haven’t really found the career I love. I’m still searching for something that will make me feel complete instead of completely lost.

I’m hoping I will find it in editing.

a piece of my writing

My lips connected with his and I could feel a rush of energy pulse through my body. The world was spinning, I held onto him tighter. I could feel him finally give in to me, as if he was prepared to forever say yes to me. And then I thought “wait, I’ve been here before.” Him pushed up against the wall, my hand down his pants, and a party continuing without us. I was in college the first time it happened. No one thought it would turn into anything, a love that would engulf us like a wave, almost drowning. It happened fast, but naturally. We just knew.

And here I was again, jumping back into that ocean not realizing the consequences. Not realizing that it’s so easy for me to drown.

excuses

I tried writing a couple of weeks ago, story writing. I think I did ok, but I’m realizing that I’ve been scared to write for years. Scared that I suck, lost my talent, and I don’t want to face that fear. I’ve been coming up with excuses for why I haven’t been writing for all these years and I need to stop. I just need to force through my fears and do what I love, which is partly why I started this blog in the first place.

%d bloggers like this: