Random Thoughts: Selfish

by Rayla

The most difficult part about a relationship is not being selfish. I can communicate all day, jealousy is not a problem, the trust is there, but my selfish tendencies keep sneaking up on me. The want for something so bad is a burn in my chest. When something doesn’t go my way, it makes me sad. I know, I sound like a baby, but it’s true. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t get rid of it.

Long distance relationships carries surprises (not the exact word I want to use, oh well). No matter how much you plan or how far ahead of time you prepare, something always goes wrong, and there is nothing you can do about it. I’ve developed a “it’s not going to happen” mentality just so I’ll be prepared for the worse. It doesn’t always work. When we make plans that have to be cancelled last minute because his job decided they wanted to be assholes, my selfishness flares up and I become this pouty baby again. I hate it. I hate his job. I hate loving him.