by Rayla

I’m ashamed. It’s been 4 months since I’ve written: sat down, put my thoughts together, then typed them into something I’m proud of. I just don’t have the motivation. I don’t know if it is because I’ve lost interest, courage or ideas. Not having time has been my excuse, but I know that is not true. Maybe I’m still trying to figure out if I want to be a writer anymore. Is that weird? Having to decide whether or not you want to write. Something that used to be simple to me is now a mystery, lost in the mess that fogs my brain.

Recently, I decided to pursue a career in web development. I’ve dabbled in the past, but it wasn’t until a couple of months ago I decided to really get into it. I like it, but I’m also overwhelmed with . . . with life, I guess. Am I good at it? Am I going to slow? Am I doing enough? To keep myself motivated (and because I’m having a difficult time understanding), I joined a JavaScript class. I’ve also been Google searching and trolling social media to find a mentor. I want some insight into the world of Front-end web development that you can’t get from a Google search.

There is so much I want to do with my life and I feel like I’m not pushing myself hard enough. Yea, I’m tired when I get home from my 9 – 5 that I hate, but shouldn’t that motivate me even more to do everything in my power to make my goals? I guess I’m scared I won’t stick to it like everything else I’ve tried to do: production assistant, screenwriter, journalist, blogger, etc.

I’ve planned a trip to San Diego, random? Yes. I’ve never been and I figured why the hell not. Maybe it will help me find my way or maybe it will be a huge waste of money. Either way, at least I can say I went.

Anyone who reads this know of a programmer in San Diego, let me know! I would love to interview them for my website.