My Writing Problem

by Rayla

I think I’ve finally figured out what my writing problem is. Why I seem to have writer’s block continuously. Nothing is on the line. No pressure. No deadline. A video game developer announced it was looking for a writer for a new game. Immediately my creative juices started pumping and I was constantly thinking about the short story I never finished (despite being in love with it). I added more to the story, fixed a lot and was able to come up with a more detailed backstory. I was motivated. Even though I didn’t get the main writing gig, I was offered to freelance for them, which is a big deal since I’ve never written for anything other than myself.

I guess my only motivation (when I don’t have a deadline) is my career and wanting to be successful in a field I love. Apparently, that’s not enough for my imagination to boot up. I’ve even tried setting up my own deadlines, but it’s not enough. College had to be my best years of writing. My latest short story is the only new story I’ve written since graduating in 2008. Now I’m addicted. I scour Twitter looking for new requests for writers. I need a challenge. I work better under pressure, a lot better.

I’m going to try to ween myself off of this pressure high. I’ve decided I’m going to write at least one post a week on my other blog. Hopefully this will help me get in the groove of writing whenever and not depending on some career-changing deadline or a super important grade. It’s not fiction, but it’s something. I want to continue writing my short story–I need to–but I think maybe the fear of being a crap writer is making me hesitant. It’s a good story, but can I pull it off? I’m scared it reads like a child wrote it. Like I lost the ability to turn my words into art. It’s hard for me to explain.

I just know I need this. I need to stop trying to convince myself I’m not a writer. I am and always will be a writer. Nothing can change that.

Advertisements